


Monster

by ununquadius



Series: sapphicseptember2019 [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Guilt, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Mentions of Past Torture, Second War with Voldemort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 17:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20604704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ununquadius/pseuds/ununquadius
Summary: Carrow forced Padma to torture someone. Is she a good person now or is she a monster?





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> As always this is inspired by @rockmarina‘s prompt list, in this case prompt 9. Monster. This is unbetaed so sorry for any mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Padma looked at the mirror, searching for something different about her, for that bit of herself that had broken in the Dark Arts classroom. However, she saw the same black, straight, hair tied up in a ponytail; the same big, dark eyes, and the two dark circles under them that were part of herself since the beginning of the war. Her eyes traveled down her body: the thin figure, dirty robe, black boots. But that was it. Was this why monsters were so difficult to identify, because they looked just the same as good people? 

Fairy tales taught children that the evil characters were always ugly. But looking at the mirror, she couldn't see a difference with the girl Susan called beautiful so often. Would she see something different now? What would happen when she went to the Room of Requirement to cuddle next to her girlfriend? Would Susan reject her? 

"There you are!" 

A blonde girl appeared next to her reflection. She was shorter, with two thick plaits that went all the way to her breasts, and big eyes. She looked like a good person, but so did the monster next to her. 

"You found me." Padma didn't take her eyes off their reflection, so she could see how Susan looked at her with worry.

"I was waiting for you in the library, but you didn't come…" She made a pause, as if waiting for Padma to explain what had delayed her. She said nothing. "What did Carrow want?" 

She saw how the monster's eyes filled with tears. What was the difference then, if even the evildoers could cry? 

"Nothing."

The big eyes glared at her, and a hand grasped hers tightly. 

"What did he make you do?" 

It was the words Susan had chosen what made Padma tell her. She could have asked what did she do, or what did he tried to make her do. But in her words, Padma found a little hope. Maybe it wasn't entirely her fault. 

"I hurt her." She turned around. She couldn't stand to look at Susan's face in the reflection while she confess, nor she could look at the real Susan. She wouldn't stand it if her eyes stopped showing affection. 

A hand on her shoulder made her turn around again, and face eyes that still showed warmth. 

"Who?" 

"I don't know her. I think she was a first year Gryffindor." She looked for what little courage was left inside her, if monsters had that at all. "Susan… I cursed a little girl… I was so scared... He said that if I didn't… he’d…" 

She couldn't go on. Fortunately, two strong arms held her, and a soft voice murmured calming words in her ear. 

"I'm a monster," she said into Susan's shoulder, wet with tears and snot. 

"He threatened you. You're not a monster, hun."

"Yes, I am. I should have said him no, I should have faced the consequences. Instead I hurt an innocent girl."

They remained hugged in silence for a long time, Padma's sobs were the only sounds. When she was calm enough to go back to the Room of Requirements, Susan took her hand again and led the way. 

"I know you're not a monster. I know you’ll apologize to the girl and make things better for her. The only monster here is him, who made children fight and hurt each other again and again."

Padma thanked Susan's words with a smile, but deep down she was sure that the monster was her. No decent person would have used the cruciatus curse successfully in a little girl.

**Author's Note:**

> If you cringe at the mistakes, please, contact me at tumblr I'm ununquadius there too, and you can point them all to me so I can correct them 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
